I needed a wizard for something, I don't remember for what exactly, so I called a service. Jim was the guy they sent out and I've relied on his ability to make fire come out of nowhere for many years. Now: does this fire occasionally—or even quite often—come into contact with other employees? I won't say it hasn't happened. But it usually hits a foe or two as well, which I wholly endorse. There's a specific part in his contract that specifically forbids "Romance, in all its Various Forms" with either of my sisters, but he either skipped over that part or can't read.
As one of the most famous paladins in Faerûn, it seems like she would command a high price - but as long as there's an opportunity for some good to come out of it, the fees are often waived. It's almost impossible to describe how that makes me feel. Or how she makes me feel, frankly. I think it's probably for the best, because it seems like there's an ex-boyfriend in the picture - goes by the name of Lathander - and it seems like she's still got it for him pretty bad.
Viari has another name, but I won't tell it to you because he and I are on good terms at the moment and there are things I need him to do. So let's just say he's got one—and that it's very funny—and leave it at that. Recently elevated to "Sub-Intern," a rank I made up on the spot, Viari currently heads-up our Stabbing Department. He also has an artifact called the Apocalypse Dagger that we're letting him hold onto for the time being. Although, it did claim his entire arm in a burst of Necrotic Energy at one point. It's cool: we got him another one.
Môrgæn is a solver of problems, at great range and with terrible efficiency. I don't mean terrible like: "she can't do it;" I mean terrible like: "scary." With Jim, I pay when I get around to it. I don't know the last time I paid Viari. But Môrgæn? She's an elf from the Elsewynn and she shoots arrows she makes herself. Some of these arrows are made with some kind of evil tooth on the front. So, she gets paid a month in advance. It's not in the contract! I just like how my head is all in one piece right now and that seems like a good investment.
We met him at something called a Blood Circus. Mr. Zimmeruski is the only employee that has ever used me as a weapon. I also pay him exclusively in cheese. I feel like that's most of the pertinent information.
After nine years of dedicated service, Binwin Bronzebottom was honorably discharged from Acq Inc and now trains his own party of Minions. He's often spotted raiding monster lairs and looting dungeons throughout the Welkinwood.
This is a complicated one: he started out as a cool, dangerous elf. He had a catchphrase that I don't remember 100% percent, but he really enjoyed saying it and there's no company policy saying he can't. Then he was completely dissolved in acid. There is a company policy on that and it involves avoiding acid, and not bathing in it—it's possible I could have used a larger font in the Employee Manual. Then we had to go get him from Hell. Then, for reasons unknown, he started working for my sister, Auspicia Dran, of Dran Enterprises, and dressing like a teenager. Whereabouts: currently unknown.
I'm always angling for a great deal. That's why, when I had a chance to secure a few infernal contracts at bargain basement prices, I didn't hesitate. That's how I came to meet Strix, our newest intern. Technically I might own her soul...? I don't generally like sorcerers. But I like Strix.
Walnut is one of our newest Franchisees, and brings what I would describe as a "weird, borderline-frightening" enthusiasm. As a child of the Enclave Panax Anima, an all-female clan of woodland defenders, joining an urban adventuring guild seems like a weird choice…? That hustle, though. Sometimes, you just have to roll the dice.
Rosie Beestinger came to us highly recommended—by basically everyone. By which I mean at least one hundred halflings all entered her name in our Winter Intern drive. They all seemed a little nervous, and their handwriting was very shaky. Who knows! Maybe they were very, very cold. Winter, right?! She's a monk or something. Let's see how she does.
K'thriss Drow'b is a Warlock. I want to make it very clear that I am not using the term "warlock" in the pejorative sense. I have nothing against warlocks. Some people find it convenient to get their mystical power from a pact with an ancient, unknowable, perpetually ravenous entity that is beyond conception. I pay taxes in Waterdeep. It's basically the same deal.
This copper, draconic gentleman claims to know more than one hundred different dragons. Chromatic, metallic—just tons and tons of dragons—I'm hoping we can leverage some of these connections in our dealings. None of the dragons I've contacted have gotten back to me, but they're probably just very busy right now. This is one of of the busiest times for dragons… or so I've been told by my new best friend, Donaar Blit'zen.
(Intake performed by Certainty Dran [SCRTRN])
Yitzbin is under the impression - or perhaps simply likes to give the impression to others - that she is not, in fact, an intuitive wielder of magic but some kind of barbarian strongwoman. She is not. And I think she knows that. Maybe.
First-from-the-Quiver "Quiver"
(Intake performed by Certainty Dran [SCRTRN])
The Qasirat Ul-Thaar, as they call themselves, are smaller than most tabaxi and find life in a large city more appealing than most. "Quiver" also carries a crossbow as big as he is, which is only funny until the string pulls back.
(Intake performed by Certainty Dran [SCRTRN])
It is sometimes necessary to take on "partners" in the prosecution of a corporation's duties, and I have done so - securing a weapon in a time of crisis from a shadowy organization I'm gonna have to pay back later. They didn't make it clear to me that it came with a free owl. But I can make this work for me.
(Intake performed by Certainty Dran [SCRTRN])
A rare get; mood elves like Prism are so rare they're generally considered a rumor. A kind of emotion elemental, tossed around on some internal sea, mood changes with her people are visible to the naked eye. So maybe she might not do so well gambling at Silavene's, maybe. But I didn't hire her to play cards.